Gratuities & Standing O's - a social commentary

About a year ago, I, along with my wife and three kids spilled out of the van onto the curb at the Boise Idaho airport on our way back to Arizona. We had a piece of luggage for each person, an extra bag just for diapers and toddler stuff, plus two carseats. I still recall the strain of lugging that stuff around, but this curb side stop would be different...we were going to use the curb-side check-in for our flight.

We showed our ID's and received our boarding passes and the fellow there took our luggage and put it on a cart. As we began to walk away he held out his hand. I knew what he wanted. I quickly apologized and explained that I had no cash wherewith to tip him. Extortively he replied, "We'll just see if your bags make it to their destination."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Did he really think he could threaten me with intentionally misplacing our luggage? Well...I was ticked...but I believed that he would be true to his word. Reading the signs of internal conflict on my face, he generously pointed to a nearby ATM machine (as I'm sure he had done hundreds of times before). With a broad mischievious smile after receiving an enormously large extorted tip (because I couldn't get change for the large bills the ATM spits out), he was happy to provide me the assurance that my bags would surely arrive at their destination.

Since that day I have often pondered on the significance of giving someone a tip. The way I see it, tips should not be given to someone who is simply doing their job. Gratuities should be reserved for those whose service is exemplary and extraordinary, for one who goes above and beyond the call of duty, for one who is willing to go the extra mile to serve.

The motivation to provide the level of service required to create raving fans has been removed and has been replaced with a sense of gratuity-entitlement which troubles my soul.

This leads me to my next peeve...standing ovations! When is the last time that you attended a performance that did not end with a standing ovation?! I can't even recall the last time it has been so long ago.

A few years ago, after a pretty mediocre performance, I determined to remain with my derriere planted while everyone else around me slowly stood to applaud out of some seductive spirit of obligation. You should have seen all the crustly looks cast at me! So, I succumbed to extortion once again and reluctantly stood with all the lemmings and half-heartedly clapped my hands together until they stung with hypocrisy.

The standing ovation has lost its significance in society. The only way I can tell if a standing ovation is sincere or not is how quickly people jump to their feet to applaud. Jessica and I recently attended a performance of Shakespeare's Hamlet at the new Mesa Arts Center. The actor portraying Hamlet excelled above all the other high-quality actors. As he took his bow, the entire audience simulataneously leaped to their feet in praise of his passionate performance. That was a true standing O!

So, being the pragmatist that I am, may I suggest what we as society shall do to overcome these false traditions? Follow your heart, not the seductive spirit of obligation, when it comes time for you to tip or to stand.