Funny Video: Tom Cruise on Home Teaching program of LDS Church

Funny interview cuts made to appear as an interview about home teaching.  The interviewer's personality made me bust a gut:

Budgie Buddies

We've been having lots of fun with our pet parakeets (budgies).  The green one with the yellow face is named Mel Gibson.  The blue-white-gray one is Russell Crowe.  The white-sky blue one is Hugh Jackman.  We've been training them to do stuff by rewarding them with millet seeds a treat that they just love.  Anne especially likes to be involved with these cute little birdies.

Just some random updates...

I had five days of vacation time to use up so I've taken two long weekends.  Last week I went elk hunting up at Avimor in the Boise foothills with my father-in-law, Lynn Davenport, and my uncle Dave Mortensen.  We didn't get anything but it sure was nice to be up in the hills and cruising around on four-wheelers.  We could use the meat, so maybe we'll get another chance.  We saw lots of wolf tracks along with bear scat.  Pretty cool!

Yesterday we took the kids up to a great sledding hill at Avimor right off of Pearl Rd.  My dad, Wayne, Sherstine, and Liv joined us, along with our friends the Jensen's.  Being able to have a four-wheeler haul kids up to the top of the hill sure does make it more enjoyable.  The kids last longer than when they have to trudge up the hill and get worn out after just a couple trips.

The other day I started adding friends to my facebook account.  I really enjoyed the short-term popularity I felt as all of my friendly acquaintances and family members responded.  What a great way to network.

On politics...I wish Obama and Biden would quit trying to save their political-backsides by stating how this economy is so awful that they might not be able to fix it.  I wish they would continue with their campaign message of "hope".  We need a leader that will help restore consumer confidence along with restoring some much needed morality to our nation.

This whole Illinois-Chicago political mess is disturbing.  I think Obama cannot help but to have been tainted by what has been going on there for decades.  I think Blago really does think what he was doing was fine...because really it was just typical Chicago-style politics.   

...on meeting Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck is in Boise today for a live presentation of his "The Christmas Sweater" stage show. Jessica and I are going with my mom and dad. He was also doing a book signing as well. I'm not one to get too impressed by celebrity, but I thought, what the heck, I'll go and get him to sign my copy of his book.

Never having been to a book signing, I learned quickly that I'd have to buy a new book from this particular store in order to get a pass to stand in the book signing line. I was fortunate to be in the store before the huge crowd arrived, that had to wait outside and not be guaranteed a signed book. I was standing in line directly across the isle from where Glenn stood to sign the books. He spoke to the crowd for a few minutes telling us that its people like those in Boise that will save this country. It was fun to watch him interact so genuinely with the people, albeit briefly. They have that book signing down to a science where the assitants have the books opened for him and Glenn signs them with his right hand and shakes hands with his left. At one point he was holding a little baby boy and making pouty faces with him as the mom took a picture. Very charming.

I had made myself a cardboard sign to hang around my neck with a message on it for Glenn. I figured there would be other nut-jobs with similar things, but nope, I was the only nut job. When I got to Glenn he busted up laughing and said "What can I say?..." I said "We love you brother. Thanks for what you do." He said, "I love you too brother" then came around the table and pulled the sign to him, with me still attached, and signed it "One Show at a Time".

Here it is!

Mission Memory: Rincón

The first area I served in was the quaint little pueblito of San Jose del Rincón (map), province of Santa Fe, Argentina. I was only there for three months and my memories of the place are a bit of a blur generally. I felt like my brain was on overload as I adjusted to the culture and struggled to learn the language. I never really learned my way around the town as I traipsed behind my senior companions who walked so briskly through the sandy streets that my shin-splinted legs could not keep up.

Some of the more wealthy people from the city of Santa Fe have nice vacation homes in Rincón, but most of Rincón was populated by the poor, many of whom lived off the land and the river. The house we lived in near the cemetery was not much more accommodating than a tent and was made of cinder blocks and plaster. It had a corrugated metal roof and a suspended ceiling made of thin styrofoam. We had no windows, but rather metal shutters on the openings where windows should be, securly latched together with a piece of wire. (You can fix anything in Argentina with wire.) Part of the house had a rough concrete floor, but the rest was dirt floor.

We had a refrigerator that didn’t work, but we kept our food in it anyway. We also had a bomba electrica (electric pump) that sent water from our well up to a large storage tank above the house which allowed gravity to feed the water to the sink, shower, and toilet. The toilet was typical, but the waste went to an underground pit in the yard known as a “pozo negro” (black-hole) that frequently backed-up through the shower drain.

The shower water was heated in a “calefón”; a five-gallon metal bucket with a heating element in it much like the heating element on an electric stove. It had a plastic spout and valve on it, so you had about a five minute shower if you turned the water off to soap up.

The one charming aspect of the little house that I remember with delight was the grape vine trellis over the front patio…but even that collapsed in a terrible lightning and thunder storm that had me believing it was the “end of days”.

I remember writing home every week about our latest adventures with Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom inside of our little “pench” (Americanized version of “pensión” meaning apartment). Perhaps it was more along the lines of the plagues of Egypt than the Wild Kingdom really. We had rats running along the ceiling beams and pooping down on us from above at night. We had spiders with round quarter-sized bodies, but legs that extended out so far that its entirety was larger than my hand. We once even had a scorpion in our bathroom. The mosquitoes tormented us day and night with their ear-buzzing and blood sucking. It was so hot and humid that we’d lie in our underwear with a thin sheet over us to keep the mosquitoes off of us, but they’d still get us through the sheet.

Speaking of bedding…I didn’t know I was supposed to bring my own bedding, so for a few weeks I had to improvise by using a dusty old curtain to cover me while I lay on the sticky bare foam used as a mattress. I ordered a fitted-mattress sheet and a sheet from Hermana (Sister) Delia Diaz, a nice church member lady who lived in the neighboring town of La Guardia. She was the local Avon lady so she ordered the sheets out of her Avon catalog. They were supposed to be white sheets, but when the order arrived they were pink with an awful flower print. I used those pink flowery sheets my whole mission, much to the amusement and possible concern of my compañeros.

We had an infestation of carpenter ants for a couple of days. We discovered them nesting in the ceiling. I removed one of the foam panels and poked my head up into the space and emptied a full can of Raid on them critters. It literally rained ants in our kitchen for half an hour while we choked on the airborne chemicals. Dead ants covered every square inch of our countertops, desk, and floor.

If you think that was gross, it gets worse…

Another time we had infestation of little frogs. We’d have to wash our dishes before we used them because frogs were all over them all the time. One time I had poured myself a fresh cup of milk and as I was drinking it down, I saw a frog frantically trying to swim upstream to avoid being washed down my gullet.

If you think that was disgusting, it gets even worse…

Our shower water started to reek something awful. For two weeks, the stench got worse and worse and the terrible smell clung to our skin. We thought maybe our well had gone bad, but the water storage tank above the roof was clean on the inside. One Sunday morning as I was showering before church I looked up and saw one of those dang little frogs on top of the bucket. Suddenly I realized with dread and horror what the source of our stink was. Carefully I took the calefón bucket off its nail hook and lowered it to the floor. With trepidation I removed the lid only to be overcome with the noxious fumes of a bucket full of boiled and re-re-re-boiled frogs.

Viva Mexico!

From the new Preamble to the Mexican Constitution:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, even in the bedroom.

I couldn't pass up talking about the story linked on Drudge this morning about the Mayor of Mexico City making a regulation to provide impotence drugs to all men over 70.

Mayor Marcelo Ebrard says the city is implementing the plan because sexuality "has a lot to do with quality of life and our happiness."

So, in world of socialized medicine, sexual felicity is an unalienable right. The next logical step is to mandate frequency!

Honey, we're movin' to Mexico!

Pajama Gladiator - Today Only

Did you know BYU has an animation department? They're award wining too. Pixar, Disney, Dreamworks...they all love to hire BYU animation students because they show up to the job ready to work at a very high level of performance. Check out this animated short called "Pajama Gladiator". You will see great quality in the animation as well as the story line. The resolution doesn't diminish on full screen either.

http://nicktoonsnetwork.nick.com/nnaf/viewshorts.jhtml

Its a very cute story that leads you to an unexpected conclusion. Gather the kids around and enjoy!

Please forward this to your friends and family too. Remember it is only available for free today, Thursday Oct 30th as part of the Nick Toons Animated Short Festival.

Please remember to vote for it by clicking on "Rock"!
UPDATE: Pajama Gladiator won a couple of awards and will remain viewable on thie Nick Toons website.

Thoughts on the Morning News

On Paul Harvey this morning, Paul Jr. mentioned a news story about the remains of a man found in a burial site in Denmark dating back to 400 BC. The DNA shows middle-eastern connections which shocks the anthropologist and those believing there was a pure Scandanavian race. I have subscribed to the pragmatic theory that the lost tribes of Israel went and settled in northern Europe and mixed with whatever peoples were there and that major scattering happened somewhere around 600 BC. This DNA discovery in Denmark gives some credence to the theory that my Danish ancestors may in fact be literal descendants of Abraham. Link and another link


The discovery of the actual tomb of "the Gladiator", Marcus Nonius Macrinus, in Italy is pretty cool too. Link


Barack Obama Chicago Public Radio Interview from 2001 confirms his intentions to "redistribute wealth" though the arm of the law. This is the fundamental principle of socialism. What bothered me most this interview is when he said that he was dissappointed that the Supreme Court had not done more to "break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution, at least as it has been interpreted." He wants judges to "break free" from the "essential constraints" placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution? What?!


By the way, I have spent several hours of the last couple weeks reading scriptures related to taking care of the poor, the law of consecration, living with "all things in common", the dangers of inequality in wealth and education, etc. My motivation to study this was due to an uncomfortable concern that "what if socialism is more in line with God's law than capitalism?" The eternal dangers of greed, the love of money, are obvious. The injunction to care for the poor and the needy is plain. Yet I found very important passages that confirm that such contributions should come from our own will to do good, not by compulsion. The principle of agency is co-eternal with God and cannot be violated. So I now more confidently stand my ground that free markets and republican democracy is the next best thing to having the Lord reign personally upon the earth.

Trick or Treat!

Sometimes you just gotta laugh...

The Skydive Video

I wasn't able to convert the video, but I was able to upload it to YouTube.  The original video is better quality with better lighting, but I think you'll still get the point.  Check out out my flapping face skin and listen to my adrenaline induced squeels of delight.

Skydiving Photos

Thanks to my wife for the wonderful Christmas gift from last year that I finally was able to take advantage of.  Thanks for you being there with the kids to see me risk my life for a little adventure.  Thanks to my Dad for coming and taking the photos and for my mom for being able to make it just as I jumped from the plane.

Here is the aerial spin.  This is the ultimate carnival ride.

The Landing

We haven't been able to convert the video from the skydive yet, but this is video that my boss, Dan Richter took of me landing, using my parent's digital camera.  We swooped in right over the heads of the kids.  Watch closely to see Kyle duck!

My Little Jelly Belly

My favorite candy treat by far are the delicious gourmet jelly beans from Jelly Belly.  The folks at Jelly Belly have captured some incredible flavors in a wondrous variety.  Sometimes I like to eat them one at a time and enjoy the sensation of the flavor washing over my tongue.  Other times I go really crazy and throw a whole handful in my mouth at once and I am delighted and sometimes gleefully disgusted by the combinations of flavors.  

I even snuck a pocketful of Jelly Bellies into church today and tried my darnedest to eat them without the kids noticing, but Claire and Kyle caught me.  Kyle got pretty good at sneaking them out of my pocket.  Jessica only noticed when Claire had one stuck on her newly emerged molar. 

Well, as you can see, I just love Jelly Bellies, but I think baby Claire likes them even more than me.  Jessica just bought me a large jug of them from Costco.  Claire knows that they are in the cupboard and she points at them and grunts, then screams, and then wails until we satisfy her craving.  

On long family drives we will sometimes have a bag of Jelly Bellies to make the ride more enjoyable.  Claire insists on more than her fair share.  Now I know that I am spoiling her in this one small way, but I admit that I love that she loves what I love.  While still keeping one steady hand on the wheel, I blindly I reach my other hand around behind me and I feel her chubby little fingers snatch up these marvelous masticable morsels from my palm.  She generally goes for the "shove-'em-all-in-your-mouth-at-once-method" of devouring the delicacy.  I just chuckle softly to myself...a proud father am I.

When we get her out of her car seat we quickly become aware of which flavors she did not enjoy so thoroughly as the gooey mess of spat-out undesirables are plastered to her bottom.

We know there are many great candies and snack foods competing for our hard-earned dollars, "but as for me and my house", we choose Jelly Bellies.

And it came to pass...

Monday morning at approximately 4:30 a.m. (Labor Day) I woke up having contractions, not of the motherly sort, but of the kidney kind as my right kidney was pushing a jagged crystal covered pebble into my ureter tube.  Oh the pain!  Being lactose intolerant, I am used to waking up at night with abdominal pain followed by explosions better left unmentioned.  But this was different and I quickly summoned my eternal bride to chauffeur me to the emergency room.  

Jessica called Crystal our friendly neighbor who quickly answered "What's wrong?" and immediately replied, "I'll be right over to stay with the kids."  

Man, I tell ya, I was hurtin' somethin' fierce and every bump in the road was another nightmare. 

I gave a urine sample and the amount of visible blood in it let me know right away what I was experiencing...my dad, my boss, and two co-workers all having had them recently.  The sympathetic physician's assistant promptly inserted the IV and started the good stuff a flowin' and I was sent to a new world of peace and tranquility while Jessica handled all the questions and information.  It was strange in that I was mentally aware of the discussions being had around me, but completely unable to respond.  I wonder if that is what being in a coma is like?  Weird, but I felt the pain no more.

They prescribed me some psychedelic narcotics, some anti-nausea stuff that I didn't know why they were giving me (until later), and some pills that help old men with swollen prostates pee better, aptly named "Flomax".  The Flomax proved quite useful and for the next couple of days I could give any race horse a run for his money (as long as the competition related to the frequency and volume of urination and not actually running).  I was also given a handy plastic urine filter to catch any particles that might issue from my internal organs.

The pain meds really messed me up.  For three days they put me in a zombie state that bored me, but they were effective in keeping the pain to a minimum.  I don't understand why people get addicted to those things as they didn't make me feel good at all.  Monday night the pain came back along with terribly violent vomiting that lasted a good hour.  I should have taken one more of those anti-nausea pills.  Maybe they explained to Jessica in my comatose state that hurling your guts out is part of the process of passing a kidney stone, but I missed that one.

Tuesday came and went with general uncomfortableness and incoherency.  But I did step up my water in-take figuring the floods of Noah would wash my system clean.  I think I actually felt the stone scratching its way down the ureter tube toward my bladder.  This is the worst part!  I always thought it would be the toughest having the stone pass through my man-parts, but the trip from the kidney to the bladder is the tough part.

Wednesday morning started well with the Flomax working perfectly along with my flooded bladder.  Did  you know your bladder can completely refill in just seconds?!  After many many trips to the little boys room within a very short period of time out came that little sucker.  It was pretty cool and had tons of Robert-made crystals all over it that glistened in the sunlight.  I was a proud father of my very own creation.

It was time to go to the Urologist and present them with my little stone.  The Flomax still had not let up even though I has passed the stone, but I had to hold back on releasing my bladder so that it would be nice and full so the CT scan would be able to see everything well.  (The CT scanner at the emergency room was down, so I was diagnosed on the assumption of it being a kidney stone)

The CT scan was quick and easy, buy my eyes were turning yellow as my bladder was about to burst.  Not to mention that they had a water fountain running in the lobby which made the need to pee all the worse.  I begged the nurse to please take my urine sample now and they obliged.  We never actually saw the Urologist, but the P.A. was sure a cute little thing and I tell Jessica that it might be worth another kidney stone just to see her again!

I spent the rest of the day resting at home, still in a drug-induced stupor.  Today I went back to work having not taken any more pain meds.  I must be coming off those drugs as my head is still throbbing.  My right kidney is still tender but I am well on my way good health.  The CT scan showed a second stone, but they said it was so small that it will probably pass unnoticed. 

So, when one of  you need a kidney transplant, I'm happy to give you my right one and I hope it provides you with as much joy as it gave me.

The Olympics

I just love the Olympics! I blame my mom really. She loves the Olympics too and we watched them whenever they were on, summer or winter Olympics, it didn't matter. She taught me to enjoy the stories behind the athletes...heroic stories of their strength, their focus, their endurance, their perseverance, their triumphs, and their grace in defeat. I can honestly say that watching the Olympics has helped develop my own character, even if I never became on Olympian myself.

Watching the opening ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing was almost a spiritual experience for me. The opening ceremonies were extremely impressive with all the fireworks and technology. The choreography of the thousands of Chinese performers blew me away. What profoundly impacted me the most was the thought that at that moment, the entire world was celebrating together. All of our differences in culture, religion, and politics were set aside for a couple of hours and we were able to simply enjoy the fact that we are human beings. In that small moment, we treated each other like the brothers and sisters we really are. I loved to see the joy in the faces of the performers and the athletes as they each took their turn on the field. I felt uplifted and happy to be part of the greater human family. I feel more motivated to be kinder to everyone and to work harder at whatever task is before me.

I don't hesitate to proclaim that the Olympic Spirit is none other than the Spirit of the Lord.

Robert joins with Al Gore???

In an effort to save the planet I have purchased an 80 mpg Roketa scooter. Yea right! Save the planet? I'm just savin' money and lovin' the thrill of scootin' down the Treasure Valley's roadways.

Now I have to admit that I'm being emasculated by friends and co-workers at every turn. I'm affectionately called "Scooter" and told that all I'm missing is a "My Little Pony" tatoo. With my new calling as Primary Chorister (typically occupied by women) and all the scooter jokes tied to those with alternative lifestyles...it takes a deep confidence in my own masculinity, which I have an over-abundance of to say, "Laugh it up guys! I'm savin' money."

I am enjoying the exhillaration of driving again. There is a certain pleasure of being one with the road in the open air. I have found all my senses heightened to maximum due to my fear of becoming an organ donor. I have never felt so naked driving down the road. The wind rushing past me, bugs stinging my face as they splat on my cheeks at 50 mph, driving through the mist from sprinklers irrigating the farms, the smells of crops and farm animals, I love it. Its fantastic!

I am noticing tons of motorcycles on the road now, much to the chagrin of the old timer motorcylce dudes and dudettes. That fraternity of the low two fingered wave is something precious and not to be messed with by the likes of me on my 150 cc's. My scooter has an old-school front end with a Harley headligh, so it tends to confused the old-school motorcyclists and they wave to me too. But one guy I saw wave to me, jerked his two fingered wave right back as soon as he realized I was on a whimpy scooter and not on a respectable hog.

So here I am ridiculed by those around me and rejected by the biker dudes. Oh well. I love ridin' it and I love savin' cash.

on a lighter note...

The restrooms in both of the places I work have those automatic air fresheners mounted high up on the wall. I don't really know how they work. I thought maybe they had a stink-o-meter that when a certain level of airborne chemicals associated with smelliness hits them, it does its little double spray. But lately I have been noticing that whenever I enter one of these bathrooms that the little air freshener does its little psst-psst thing. ...I don't know, maybe they are on timers and my bladder filling up just happens to coincide with the time that they squirt out their stink-masking fragrance.

Cheesy eAwards: a Key to Winning Friends and Influencing People

Most of the work I do is conducted by e-mail. Surprising for being in the construction business...I know...but its true. Even though our communications are mostly through a cold and heartless network of machines, there is still a human being on the other end that needs to feel appreciated for what they do.

A few years ago I started giving out extremely cheesy eAwards for a variety of reasons as you will see below. Its amazing how much the recipients enjoy them and how much people will do for me simply because I have given them an e-pat-on-the-back. Please feel free to save the pictures below and use them to reward the efforts of those you work with in the e-world.

"Speedy Gonzalez eAward" - Probably my most often given out eAward in recognition of someone who has replied to an e-mail very quickly with important answers or information.

Another favorite for people to receive is the "Git R Done eAward" featuring Larry the Cable Guy. This award is given for people who just seem to get the job done, not matter how hard or challenging.

I'll let you all guess what the following eAward is. (First one to get it will get the secret "Dizzying Intellect eAward):

I have about a dozen others, but I don't want to give them all away. If you have any creative eAward ideas, I'd love to see what you've come up with.

I am convinced that if you can find a way to sincerely compliment every person you interact with, the world would be a better place. Try it for a day!

What's wrong with this picture?

The picture above, drawn by Gary Thomas, came from the 50th and final book in a series of 1st Grade reader books. I was shocked and found it somewhat humorous to see the swine serving ham. What a feast indeed! Dang cannibals.

Assuming, as I always do, that there was some secret evil agenda promoting anthropophagy behind such an innocent depiction, I did some internet research on Modern Curriculum Press in Parsippany, New Jersey. Sure enough...very obscurely hidden on their website is a link asking for donations to support the Korowai tribe in West Papua, Indonesia, a tribe known to be modern day cannibals. I knew it! They are subliminally trying to convert our children into savages that eat their own kind. Or perhaps they are trying to recruit our young well-fed fleshy-faced kids to supplement their diets rather than their own scrawny and famine-malnourished victims.

Even more disturbing was when I finally noticed the name of the author, Janis Asad Raabe. That's a very Muslim name if I've ever seen one. What is he or she doing writing about eating ham in the first place?!

It's all very, very suspicious.