more Tender Mercies

Back at the end of July I had posted about our then present struggles with employment as well as recounted several of the small little miracles that were happening in our lives.  (see that post here)

I would be remiss if I didn't record for posterity the continuation of this saga of adversity, tests, and increased faith and gratitude. (Plus, I was just reading Malachi chapter 3 for the last Sunday school lesson of the year and it brought all these things to my remembrance.)

After that blog post in July, the severity of our financial state worsened.  At times we were penniless and about to approach our Bishop for assistance from fast offerings, but miraculously some form of money would present itself just when I thought that all was lost. 

My uncle Dave gave me the opportunity to work for him pressure washing grocery stores and commercial hoods in the middle of the night and paid me a generous hourly wage for that type of a job.  It was really tough work which gave this white-collar boy a renewed appreciation for hard labor and for those workers in the night that keep our cities and towns so clean.  I re-learned that all work that benefits society is noble and good for man, no matter his station.

Emotionally I was struggling through this time feeling the burden of not being able to effectively support my family.  While basic family needs were being barely and miraculously met, the simple wants of our kids had to be ignored and they too could sense our despair.  I can't even pretend to understand the deep worries and concerns of my bride through all this as she remained strong and supportive of me.  I sometimes wanted to break down and cry in a corner.  One particular night while pressure washing the dumpsters behind a store, I had to shovel up old rotten and partially liquefied moldy fruit that smelled so wretched I gagged all the way through the chore.  I caught myself asking, "How have I come this low in life?!"

Around this time, discussions at Avimor (they master planned community where I live and worked) began with my dad and me about building a home or two for the new owners.  These meetings renewed my enthusiasm and it was a relief to have my mind occupied once again.  There seemed to be light at the end of the tunnel, but the money for these efforts would still be a ways off.  My testing was not over.

One Saturday in September, I had been helping a young man in my ward with his Eagle project of putting up bluebird nest boxes at Avimor.  While driving around in the truck, the gas gauge light came on telling me that I had about 20 miles or so to drive before the tank would be empty.  Well, I used up those 20 miles and I could feel the truck starting to chug while running on vapors.
That night, the Young Men's President called me and asked if I could attend Ward Council meeting in his place.  When I jumped into my truck the next morning I suddenly realized my predicament.  I'd have to take the truck so Jessica and the kids could take the minivan and meet me at church.  But the truck was out of gas! 

Our church building is about seven miles away and it is mostly downhill from our house to there.  I figured I could coast all the way to the closest gas station.  Sure it was Sunday, "but buying gas doesn't require anybody to work on Sunday's anymore, 'cause you can just slide in your card," I began to justify.  I made it down the hills easily enough.  The engine was still running on fumes and I was about to pull into the gas station when a powerful impression came into my heart and mind that I should not stop.  The spirit whispered in that still small voice, "Robert, don't you trust me?"  I attempted a few more justifications in my head, but the prompting carried me and my truck right on past the gas station to the church parking lot where my truck puttered to a stop.

In the Ward Council meeting, Bro. Marchesci started the meeting with a scripture and spiritual thought. He too had been recently struggling with unemployment and his message was certainly deep felt on his part. The timing could not have been more providential to me as he shared Proverbs 3:5-6 which reads "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths".  Tears filled my eyes as I knew and felt that the Lord was talking directly to me.

At the conclusion of church my hope was...if the truck would start up... to get the truck to the gas station because I just knew that driving back those seven miles, uphill, would be impossible on my empty tank.  Once again, as I approached the gas station, that still small voice came back again "Robert, have you still not learned to trust me?" 

My mind went right back into justification and murmuring mode and I thought, "Well, if I run out of gas I will have to walk several miles uphill." 

Then the Spirit questioned again, "Wouldn't you be willing to do that for me?" 

"Yes, I suppose I would" I said aloud.  At this point I was deeply humbled and I determined to accept the Lord's challenge and proceed with faith. 

I passed the the gas station and entered the highway.  I watched with amazement as the gas gauge indicator began a steady climb to a quarter tank.  It was a real modern day miracle!  The powerful presense of the Spirit feeled me and the air around me and I heard the audible voice say, "You have passed the test."  My heart burned within me and tears streamed down my cheeks.  While expressing gratitude in vocal prayer, I drove all the way home.  As I parked in front of the house, the gas gauge dropped with a thud back below the "E".

The next day yet another miracle would occur.
To be continued...